


i'm in love with you...too

by freshkle



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Just angst, M/M, Seungyul - Freeform, a little cute too, seungyoun and hangyul suck at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22800766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freshkle/pseuds/freshkle
Summary: seungyoun feels something for hangyul, he's just not too sure what it is.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**to: cho seungyoun**

(00:08) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(00:10) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(00:37) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(00:45) fuck you, pick up

(00:45) i’ll kill you, cho seungyoun.

(00:59) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(01:13) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(01:20) _missed call:_ lee hangyul

(01:25) so you’re really going to let me go on this flight without us figuring shit out

(01:25) you’re so unbelievably selfish.

\--

it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t pick up. he didn’t know what to say. how could he have let his emotions get the better of him? how the fuck could he ruin their friendship, over something as stupid as his feelings.

he couldn’t pick up the phone, he just couldn’t.

how did he just have the biggest fight with hangyul, right before his flight to japan. he knew this was coming, he _knew_ that they had to go their separate ways. i mean, they had never ever talked about this before, what did seungyoun expect? _what did he fucking expect._

\--

**_3 hours before the flight_ **

“you’ll be okay without me?”

hangyul scoffed, who does seungyoun think he is? flying to japan for a few performances, a fanmeet, he’ll be back in a month or so. it’s nothing, or so he thought.

“of course i’ll be fine.”

seungyoun was a little upset. for why, he didn’t know. i mean all he and hangyul did was share a room for the past few months, it’s not like they were together or anything, right? seungyoun was confused. he didn’t want to confront this area of thought, he refused to step into this other reality he had spent the past three months avoiding.

“if you say so.” seungyoun walked out of the room as hangyul zipped up his luggage. he did a last scan of the room, hoping he didn’t forget anything. _charger? got it. laptop? yup. what else could he be missing?_

as if they could hear each other’s thoughts, “maybe i could come along with you,” seungyoun said.

_why the fuck did he just say that? god shut up, cho seungyoun._

“what will you do when i have schedule? youn, i’ll be fine without you.”

 _yeah, of course he will be._ “it’s just..” _don’t fucking say it. don’t you dare._

“what?”

“not sure if dohyon can tolerate your messiness as much as i can.” _good save, seungyoun._

“please, if anything, you’re the messy one.” it’s always been banter with them, nothing more, nothing less. hangyul’s phone rang, must be the manager chasing him to get to the airport.

seungyoun boarded the cab along with hangyul, i mean the least he could do was send him off, right? the closer the cab got to the airport, the more anxious seungyoun felt. he was so restless in his seat, the cab driver actually looked at him through the rear view mirror a couple of times. the cab ride was silent.

“what are your plans?” hangyul broke the silence.

“like, when you’re gone?” seungyoun tried to lighten the mood. he failed. terribly.

“i-i guess.” hangyul wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, they had never been in such a tense and awkward situation before. this was so unlike them; they used to joke and banter like nothing bothered them, but now the pressure was so high it felt like the cab was going to explode at any time.

“play league, sing, hangout with my friends i guess.” _miss you._ but seungyoun wouldn’t say that out loud, he would rather die.

“sounds fun.” hangyul joked in return.

every minute felt like an hour in that cab, the atmosphere was so tense, and seungyoun felt himself getting more and more frustrated. _how did he feel so much about hangyul leaving when hangyul felt nothing at all? fuck._

“we’re a little early, wanna get coffee before i board?” hangyul asked.

“sure.”

after thanking the cab driver, they stepped off the cab and headed straight for coffee. hangyul ordered for the both of them, knowing that they both shared the same taste in coffee, and proceeded to sit down in a booth that seungyoun had chosen.

seungyoun couldn’t shake this feeling, _what the hell was he feeling?_ he shifted even more in his seat, slowly sipping his coffee and silently praying whatever he was thinking wouldn’t come out. he can’t afford to start anything with hangyul, at least not now.

“youn, what’s up? you’ve been fidgety ever since we left the house. you okay?” hangyul looked genuinely concerned and seungyoun felt bad. _he couldn’t tell hangyul, he just couldn’t._

but his emotions betrayed him. “do you not feel anything?” seungyoun suddenly confronted hangyul, which took both of them aback. seungyoun quickly looked away, refusing to make eye contact.

“…seungyoun?”

_fuck it._

“do you not care? that you’re leaving? like do i mean nothing to you, hangyul?” _shut the fuck up cho seungyoun, you’re ruining everything. shut. the. fuck. up._

“what do you mean? of course i care...where is this coming from?”

“forget it. you’re gonna be late for your flight, just go.”

seungyoun wanted to punch himself in the throat. why couldn’t he just have shut up for two minutes, god. his emotions got the better of him, whatever he refused to admit to himself for the past three months suddenly decided to take root in his heart and he couldn’t shake this feeling. he was going to miss hangyul, so much. not just miss him like not having anyone to eat supper with, or play league with, miss him like not having anyone to wake up to in the morning, miss him like he never missed anyone before.

seungyoun couldn’t pinpoint when this all started, when he started developing certain feelings for hangyul. maybe it was all their late night talks, their suppers, their banter with the underlying hints of adoration for the other. maybe. or maybe it was the way hangyul understood him like no one else did, his struggles, his worries, or maybe it was just the way hangyul made him _feel_ – at home.

hangyul stood up awkwardly, unsure of where to go about from this conversation. seungyoun didn’t follow.

“youn, you know you can tell me anything right?”

“you sure? because right now it feels like whatever i tell you is just going to make me feel like a fucking fool, because i’m a hundred percent sure you don’t feel the same way and you never will.”

“youn, i-” hangyul’s phone rang. seungyoun wanted to hit himself so bad. this is it, this is really how it’s going to end.

“just go.” seungyoun left before he could see the reaction on hangyul’s face. nothing has ever hurt him more, he was sure of it.

\--

hangyul kept checking his phone. _come on, seungyoun, pick up._

hangyul knew. or at least he knew something was different. the past few months, the banter was softer, a little flirtier than he would like to admit. seungyoun and him spent even more time together, more than just eating and listening to music, something changed, hangyul was well aware.

but it was that one night, hangyul distinctly remembers, when seungyoun and him were sharing a few drinks over supper, talking about their futures and life after x1.

it was the same routine, a long day then drinks, it was seemingly usual for them, but the mood was different that night. their hearts were heavier and both of them could tell. hangyul tried to repress the thought of anything but it was there and it was staring at him right in the face. _seungyoun._

the person he had shared his entire produce and x1 journey with, never leaving each other’s side. they always shared rooms, did vlives together, even when they were tired and frustrated about the disbandment they shared it with each other. _but that was it, right? it was nothing more, at least he thought._ he was wrong.

he knew when everything started changing, when he started to become more concerned about seungyoun’s well-being, more than his own. when he started to be more protective, making sure after this situation seungyoun would never hurt again. he even made a personal commitment to himself; never to let seungyoun go through something like this.

he repressed it, denied it, did everything he could to pretend these things were just normal, but deep down he knew they weren’t. 

\--

_fuck, seungyoun pick up. god. why is he so stubborn._

and then his phone rang.

before seungyoun could say anything, hangyul spoke first.“how could you do this, youn? leave me with something so vague and cryptic, not explaining anything whatsoever, leaving me to second guess what i did wrong? how the fuck could you do this? i called you so many times, i texted you, were you really going to let me go on the flight like this?”

silence.

“cho fucking seungyoun i swear to god-”

“don’t leave.” it was barely a whisper.

“youn?”

“i said don’t leave.” _fuck it,_ seungyoun thought _, it’s now or never._

“god, my heart has never beaten this hard in my life.” he took a long pause, “tell me how i’m supposed to react? i thought i could handle this but life with you these past few months has taught me that if anything – i handle things best with you by my side.”

“youn-”

“wait, just listen.

i didn’t think much of it, but as time got closer to you flying off to japan and starting a whole new career path it hit me. it hit me that i won’t have you by my side anymore, i-…god i’m so bad at this, but...

i’m sorry, hangyul, for killing the mood, for getting into a fight with you before you left, for just starting this whole thing. i didn’t tell you earlier because i wish none of this were true, because i’m scared to death that you wouldn’t feel the same way, and i think my heart is beating so hard you can hear it.

all i know is that is you’re my best friend. and i’m sorry if this changes everything, but i couldn’t just let you fly off without telling you this,

.

.

.

i’m in love with you.”

silence. silence so deafening it cut through seungyoun like a knife, till he heard the announcement for hangyul’s flight, and his felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest. _fuck_

“youn… i have to go.”

“yeah, i know. have a safe flight, okay?” seungyoun could feel his heart drop. _so this was it, huh?_

“i will." seungyoun’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest. what the fuck was he expecting?

"oh youn, before i go,

i’m in love with you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're in love, that's it.

**to: lee hangyul**

(02:23) asshole

(02:23) “i’m in love with you too” and then you go on airplane mode

(02:24) ARE YOU KIDDING ME

(02:25) i’m going to kick your ass

(03:01) god you’re killing me

(03:01) how can you leave just like this

(03:02) when you see these texts know that i hate you

(03:14) just kidding, i don’t

(03:14) its 3am now i hope you’re having a safe flight

(03:20) YOU LOVE ME????

(03:20) what does that mean tell me right now

(03:30) can you land so you can see these and i can kick your ass

(03:35) not that i’m tracking your flight or anything

(03:35) but you’re landing in an about an hour and i don’t know where this bravery is coming from but here are some things that i never had the courage to say to you

(03:36) fuck

(03:36) here goes

(03:41) i know you’re going to do great, fanmeeting and everything

(03:41) i’m really proud of you, hangyul-ah

(03:42) i just wish

(03:42) i could be by your side

(03:43) i mean, we’ve been by each other’s side through everything. always celebrating each other’s wins and supporting each other…

(03:45) nvm this is lame

(03:45) hope you’re getting some rest

(04:00) tell me why i am tracking your flight

(04:01) land NOW so i can tell you how much i want to kick your ass for leaving on that note.

(04:02) you LOVE me??? what does that mean

(04:23) lee hangyul

(04:23) i hope you meant what you said

(04:24) because its 4am in the morning and i can’t stop thinking about what you said

(04:24) you love me? that’s crazy

(04:35) hey, you’ve landed i think

(04:35) and before you make fun of me

(04:35) yes i was tracking your stupid flight

seungyoun threw his phone to the side of his bed. _how do i unsend every single text, ever._

\--

hangyul barely slept on the flight, not for his lack of ability to sleep anywhere, but just because _he couldn’t stop thinking of seungyoun._

he didn’t mean to leave seungyoun hanging, he was just nervous about what was to come next. so he told him he loved him, _now what?_

anxiously fidgeting in his seat, he took out his phone and tried to get service the moment he landed. he had to text seungyoun, explain himself. but honestly, how the hell is he going to explain that he was in love with seungyoun?

how the hell is he going to explain that those suppers and midnight talks carried so much more weight than he imagined? how was he supposed to explain that he fell in love with those quirks seungyoun seemingly hated about himself? his indecisiveness, his inability to cook, the way he touches his hair when he gets nervous and shakes his legs when he’s concentrating really hard – how was hangyul going to explain that to seungyoun?

_what if seungyoun didn’t actually mean love…in the way that hangyul wished?_

his phone started vibrating and he knew he was about to receive a million texts from seungyoun. he looked through each text and he chuckled, heart fluttering with each text he read.

 _he’s going to kick my ass? good that’ll give him a reason to fly to japan._ this feeling was so new to hangyul – having been someone who never openly admitted to these emotions. he actively chose not to feel anything for seungyoun, he stayed away from the reality that he may have had feelings for so long, he didn’t know how to handle them now. all he knew was that _he wished seungyoun was in japan with him._

the last time they were in japan, he remembers fondly – memory upon memory of their time spent together. how they left the hotel at 1am against the manager’s instructions to run down and get a road side food snack, how they sat side by side watching sitcoms that ran late at night in japan, how it was _so easy to be by each other’s side._

now, he’s alone, albeit having dohyon by his side, but it was different. not having anyone to tease him about his ridiculously revealing clothing, or the fact that he always took more of the blanket than he should. _it was different._

he pulled his coat a little tighter over himself as he headed into the van to head to bring them to the hotel. it was 5am and he needed to sleep, he was pretty sure seungyoun was asleep too. then, his phone rang. he saw the contact name and his heart tightened – in the best way possible, of course.

“hello?”

“hi. you’ve landed?” hearing seungyoun’s voice hit differently, knowing that the last time he heard it was when he told hangyul he was in love with him. “yeah i have, sorry i didn’t reply i was getting all my stuff together.” _as if hangyul wasn’t racking his brains trying to find a way to reply that didn’t sound so…whipped._

“so where are you now?”

“in the van. it’s cold.” _without you._ there were so many things hangyul wanted to say but he just couldn’t. this was foreign to him, so so foreign, but still something that felt so right.

“you’re comfortable?”

“yeah.”

“good, get comfortable.” he could hear seungyoun take in a deep breath, “lee hangyul i’m really going to kill you. you really just left me like that and you didn’t reply to any of my texts since you landed. i’ve been sitting here just waiting and waiting anxiously by the phone for you. i know it's 5am and you’re tired but i really, _really,_ want to talk to you about this.”

hangyul laughed anxiously, understanding seungyoun’s anger but also at how he knew seungyoun would be right now. pacing his room, running his fingers through the air, how he probably threw his phone after sending an angry text and then picked it up three minutes later to text hangyul again. _cute._

“cute.”

“what did you say?”

“i said you’re cute.” seungyoun prayed and hoped that hangyul couldn’t sense how hard he was blushing, because he was. _cute?_

“haha, um, thank you?” hangyul laughed. seungyoun was nervous and it was so endearing to hangyul, or maybe it was just the tiredness speaking. this was the first time they spoke after they both confessed to each other, everything was up in the air and blurry as ever, but when both of them heard each other’s voices, it was like nothing else mattered.

“so, you were tracking my flight huh?” hangyul teased, “obsession i think.”

“shut up, go and rest, we can talk about this when you get back. i know you’re going to be busy.” hangyul could sense the slight disappointment in seungyoun’s voice, but he also knew for a fact that these few days in japan would not be easy on him either. he debated between staying up and clearing this up or having some rest; and he chose the latter. if he was going to do this with seungyoun, he was _going to do it right._

“okay. goodnight youn.”

“goodnight, gyul.”

\--

the days passed in japan as quickly as they could, and hangyul just couldn’t wait to be back in korea. japan was different without seungyoun.

standing on stage in front of all his fans was always a surreal experience that hangyul would always be grateful for, he just missed when he shared the stage. it was emptier and it reflected exactly how hangyul felt.

seungyoun texted hangyul every day, the checking up and the nightly phone calls never stopped, both of them making sure they still kept in contact, despite each of them making an active effort to avoid talking about _them._ hangyul refused to admit it but deep down he knew that hearing seungyoun’s voice every night was what kept him through the day, it was what made missing him a little easier.

seungyoun looked forward to those nightly conversations, where he was able to forget everything and find pure comfort in catching up with hangyul. expressing feelings were never seungyoun’s strong suit, but he hoped that with each call and with each text message, hangyul could know how _badly_ seungyoun missed him.

“hey, i’m coming back tomorrow.”

“i know.”

“don’t sound too excited.” hangyul teased.

“trust me, i am.” seungyoun was too tired to hide under the banter, because he did miss hangyul, he missed him very much. the house was empty and quiet, and all he could do was count the days till hangyul was back.

he did a lot of thinking, he thought about how different life would be; like how he could actually wake up with hangyul in his arms, and how he could come home after a long day to a warm embrace. _bliss._

“hey youn?”

“yeah?”

“before i sleep, just wanted to let you know that i really missed you.”

\--

 _home._ hangyul was finally home. after a long flight and a tiring past few weeks, he was glad to be able to sleep in his messy but comfortable bed, watch hours of sitcom on end, and of course, _see seungyoun._

“hey, you’re back.”

hangyul turns around and grins, “i am.”

“let’s go out for dinner?”

as they walk down the road, neither of them say anything. seungyoun sneaks little glances at hangyul, realising how winter makes hangyul look so warm. how his cheeks are flushed red and his lips look softer, almost makes him want to sneak a kiss. _maybe later._

“what are you looking at?” hangyul teases seungyoun, catching him in the act.

“nothing.” seungyoun mumbles, stopping dead in his tracks so he doesn’t have to walk next to hangyul.

“come on let’s go,” and before seungyoun could resist, hangyul tugs his sweater sleeves and interlaces their fingers. “i’m hungry.”

seungyoun could barely register it. hangyul’s hand in his? _an absolute dream._ with the only sound being the winter wind, both of them walked _hand in hand_ to their go to dinner place. it was a long walk, but a comforting one, knowing that things really are different now, _but the best kind of different._

their hands still interlaced, they weaved through the traffic and into the side roads, before hangyul pulls his hand away. seungyoun tries to hide his disappointment as hangyul reaches into his pocket and pulls out an earpiece, passing the right side to seungyoun. “listen to this song i discovered while i was in japan. it reminded me of you.” seungyoun’s ears turned bright red, _must be the cold._

 _let’s fall in love for the night,_ a song not foreign to seungyoun, but he did not care at all. this was a song hangyul thought of seungyoun while listening to, and there was nothing else that mattered at that moment. hangyul don’t know how he got so brave, the interlaced hands, the sharing of a song most precious to him, all of his fear and anxiety diminished at the thought of him being with seungyoun.

they ate ramen at their favourite shop, hangyul asking for an extra egg in seungyoun’s because he knew that he loved eating ramen like that. hangyul looked at seungyoun in amazement seeing him gulf down his ramen. _cute._

“let’s go to the winter wonderland thing.” hangyul suggested.

“you said that was for cheesy couples.”

“and? i want to go with you.” seungyoun nearly choked on his ramen and hangyul laughed. _cute._

taking hangyul’s hand in his, seungyoun led the way.

it was a beautiful sight, there was no snow tonight but all the buildings were white and laced with blue lights. “it’s beautiful,” hangyul utters. seungyoun gazes up in amazement before looking back at hangyul. he took in the whole scenery, and the view right next to him. he noticed how the lights made hangyul’s eyes sparkle just a little bit more than usual, how it brought out the brown in his eyes, _god, how is he so beautiful._

they stood there for a while, hand in hand, mesmerized both by the scene surrounding them and by the person they were with.

\--

their fingers still messily interlaced, they slowly walked home, neither wanting to let go even though it was below freezing. hangyul loved holding seungyoun’s hand. it was small, a lot smaller than his, and it was also a little clammy, but hangyul wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“hangyul i-,” seungyoun paused. is now a good time? hangyul stopped and looked over at seungyoun, eyes a little wider than normal, his lips quivering from the cold. or was it the nervousness? the cold, definitely the cold.

seungyoun couldn’t decide. is now even a good time to talk about it? in the freezing cold, him doing little jumps just to stay warm.

“i’ve loved a lot of people before,” seungyoun breaks the silence. i guess he was going to do it.

“youn-?” hangyul’s eyes shifted, as he adjusted his hood and shifted his feet. he was nervous too.

“everyone i’ve ever loved made me really happy. i depended on them and they were always there for me, supporting me and loving me and i was always happy."

where was seungyoun going with this? hangyul started to feel unsettled. he looked down, hair falling all over his face.

“um, okay?” he utters, every hint of uncertainty revealed.

“no that’s not what i meant. fuck, i’m so bad at this.” hangyul took seungyoun’s other hand and rubbed his thumb over his, for reassurance and to let him know that whatever he wanted to say, it was okay.

“okay. point is, i’ve loved a lot of people before, but loving you, it’s different, it’s light, it’s something that comes so _natural_ to me, and i don’t think i’ll ever get tired of feeling this way. when i come home, it’s you. when i am upset, it’s you. when i’m stressed out and anxious, it’s you. _it has always been you.”_

_breathe in, and out._

“i love you, lee hangyul. all of you. you drive me crazy when you leave your clothes all over the floor, and when you refuse to wash the dishes – you are an imperfect, stubborn, messy loser all wrapped up into one, but you, _god,_ you. i love you, and it has always, _always,_ been you.”

hangyul looks up, trying to dry his tears he refused to admit were falling with the cold wind of the night. “you’re so cheesy, youn.”

“and?” they both looked at each other, tears welled with tears as both of them tried _so hard_ not to let them fall. they laughed for a while, not because it was anything funny but because nothing has ever brought them this much happiness before, nothing has ever felt _so right._

“i love you, too.

i love that you pick up all my clothes for me when they’re strewn all over the floor, and that you wash my dishes for me. i love that you know where i fail yet you embrace all of me. i love that you’re the one i get to share everything with;

i love that you’re the absolute _best part of me_ , _youn._ ” 

seungyoun felt dizzy, so dizzy from the happiness that he could almost faint. “who’s the cheesy one now?”

“shut up,” hangyul gushed. “let’s go home?” seungyoun said, eager to get to some place warmer.

“wait,” and hangyul did what he had been waiting the _whole night_ to do. his heart was beating so fast, as he studied how seungyoun’s lips were the perfect shade of pink, how they looked so soft, how his cupid’s bow was peeking out, almost like they were _begging_ hangyul to plant his lips onto them.

with the other sounds of the world going silent, hangyul kissed seungyoun, as light as he knew how, but intensely enough so seungyoun knew that he loved him, _all of him;_ and before his giddiness took over him, seungyoun kissed him back.

it lasted a little longer than it should’ve, both of them wanting to stay in this exact moment; hands tightly interlaced, lips pressed tightly together; on a cold winter’s night, they needed no warmth – except for each other.

hangyul smiles as he breaks the kiss when he sees that seungyoun had completely melted, cheeks tinted with blush and how he was completely smitten from what just happened. _god._

seungyoun could barely think straight, caught up with how sweet hangyul’s lips were, and how he just wanted to kiss him _again and again_. he was full on blushing now, thinking about it, ears turning a sweet apple red. _cute._

“let’s do it again.” hangyul said, too urgently for his own liking, “i think it’s all i ever want to do now.”

“shut up, gyul.” seungyoun couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t stop blushing, couldn’t stop thinking about how the stars aligned so ideally in his favour, how him picking a fight before japan would lead to something as beautiful as this; how he has never felt so blissfully happy. _he was so in love._

comfort never came easy, and neither did happiness, but both of them found it in each other; both of them found _home._

**Author's Note:**

> wheeee thank u for reading i had so much fun writing this :") leaving a kudos or a comment would make me really happy!


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